Days 223-226: Overseas vs Wedding

When I arrived in Los Angeles, I picked up my rental car and drove towards my old workplace to meet a friend for happy hour. Jimmy and I used to go to happy hour at Geezers, so we met there like old times. We had a great time catching up over some drinks.

img_1038

I was staying the night at my friend Trisha’s house, but my friend Debbie had the key to my storage unit. It was late and they were in bed, so I picked up the key from Debbie’s mailbox and drove to Trisha’s house.

I’ve picked Trisha up from her house several times, but I’d never actually been inside. She has two children in grade school and they were all in bed. Her son Hunter was letting me use his bedroom while he was in Trisha’s room. Trisha left me instructions on how to get inside, which felt like a typical Airbnb for me.

I walked inside and looked for pictures on the wall so I knew it was her apartment. I was up late that night because I had to do some updates to my blog. The next morning, I drove back to Debbie’s house because I had the wrong key. After getting the key, I drove to my storage unit to get some paperwork from the sale of my house. Once I had that, I drove to Torrance to give all the documents to my tax accountant. This all reminded me just how spread out Los Angeles really is.

Once that was complete, I went to my friend Carey’s hair salon in Long Beach to get a haircut and highlights done. Then it was off to Debbie’s house for lunch. After that, I went to the bank because they did not properly add my beneficiary to my accounts. They don’t have locations in Missouri, so I needed to do it while I was in California. Having a life in multiple states 2,000 miles apart is complicated.

20190201_155858

After making a quick stop at Target to get some things, I headed back to Trisha’s house. We quickly got ready and drove to El Segundo to meet my friend Toni for dinner. It was great catching up and having a “girls night out.”  After swinging by REI to get a battery pack, we went to another place for drinks.

Once Trisha and I got back to her place, Trisha tried to help me fix my duffle bag. It was a new bag and I only used it as a backup bag while traveling the last six months. The baggage handlers at the airport somehow bent one of the bars on the bottom, preventing the handle from extending. I’m too tall to hold the loop on the side and it was too heavy to carry. But no matter what we tried, we couldn’t fix it.

The next morning, Trisha and I went to a restaurant for breakfast and then I drove to the airport to drop off my rental car and catch my flight to Thailand. As I drove to the airport, I realized my ex-husband was getting married that day. I had seen a few weeks earlier that my ex-sister-in-law was tagged at his fiance’s wedding shower with a hashtag of their wedding date. It was strange seeing a picture with my ex-mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law, and two sister-in-laws in a group picture with Aaron’s soon-to-be wife. I have those same pictures with them.

It was a strange feeling knowing he was getting married less than two years after our divorce. I had ended the marriage because of his lies, but it still felt strange. It felt strange because he kept telling me he didn’t want the divorce, he loved me, and had no interest in dating. And before the divorce was final, he was on Tinder dating his first match, who he was now marrying.

I reflected on the symbolism. He was getting married on the same day that I was heading overseas. He would make the same vows to her as he made to me. They would likely be blissfully happy that day, sharing their love with their family and friends – just as he did with me. I have those same pictures with him – cutting the cake, dancing, and committing to each other.

I remember on my wedding day I felt panicked. I was in the little waiting room with my dad as we waited for the wedding party to walk down the aisle under a large tree at a golf course. My dad and I would drive up on a golf cart. I remember feeling worried – was I making the right decision? I convinced myself it was just nerves. But deep down, I remember thinking, “this is forever” and feeling slightly panicked.

After the ceremony, the best man told me he watched a large vein in my forehead pound with blood during the ceremony. Nerves, I told him. We had a great day and people told me for years that it was one of the funnest times they’ve had at a wedding. It was a great day. If only it were all true. If only I had married the person I thought I was marrying.

I don’t feel jealous or envious of Aaron getting married. I’m happy he’s moved on and that he’ll be just fine. But it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s a strange feeling. It’s hard to put into words.

I don’t mean to be cynical about marriage, but I have a hard time believing people will be together forever. Vows are said with good intentions. People intend to be with the other person until “death do us part.” But the reality is more like “I promise to be with you unless you…”

I know what you’re thinking, “You have to fully commit for it to work out.” But the truth is that you cannot control your spouse and the things they will and will not do. When I hear vows now, I have a lot of hope for couples, but I also know it wouldn’t be unheard of for them to divorce and fall in love with someone else. It all seems so fleeting.

While Aaron prepared for his big day, I headed to the airport. I was happy with where my life was going. When I filed for divorce I still loved him, but I knew he wasn’t good for me. I had stood up for myself in a marriage built on lies, confronted many of my fears, followed my heart, and was living the life I believe I’m meant to live. It was poetic that I was leaving on his wedding day.

LAX is one of the world’s worst airports, but the international terminal is slightly better with better food and shopping options. It’s also less crowded.

I was flying with Japan Airlines for the first time. The plane had two seats, an aisle, four seats, an aisle, and two more seats. I got an aisle seat to the right of the plane. The girl next to me at the window looked to be in her early 20s and seemed to be with the two people in front of us. She didn’t get up to use the restroom the entire 12-hour flight to Osaka!

During the long flight, everyone was quiet and respectful. We left around noon so I wasn’t tired. Instead, I watched free movies on the screen in front of me. I used my Bose headphones so it felt like I was in a movie theater. After a movie, I’d do some writing for my blog on my iPad mini and keyboard that I brought. Once I was tired of writing, I’d watch another movie.

When the flight attendant brought dinner, I was amazed! It was all free and delicious!

  • Chicken and mashed potatoes
  • Salad
  • Quinoa
  • Fruit
  • Noodles
  • Miso soup
  • Bread
  • Green Tea
  • Water
  • Wine
  • Ice Cream
  • Warm towel

I got up a few times to stretch and use the restroom. There were toothbrushes in there for people to take and use, which I thought was a nice touch. The flight attendants would go down the aisles from time to time selling items from a catalogue. The homemade looking signs declared, “Some unique items you can only buy here.”

I was only able to sleep for about 45 minutes on the plane. We arrived at Osaka close to 1:00 am Los Angeles time, but it was 6:00 pm there. I was astonished by the toilets! I’ve always heard that Japan has fancy, complicated toilets and they weren’t lying. I had a private stall with a whole slew of buttons. I pressed the music button and whimsical music played. I wish the U.S. would get on board with these awesome additions.

I walked around looking for a place to eat, although I wasn’t sure if I was overeating or not eating enough on the plane. It seemed like they kept serving food, but with the time change, I had no idea if I should be eating or not. A friend recommended a place there, but after searching and searching I couldn’t find it.

I had a six hour layover there and I asked the security guard about the restaurant and he told me it was located outside of security. I asked if I could just go outside of security for the shops and restaurants and come back in and he told me that I couldn’t. There were hardly any shops or restaurants in the section I was in.

I felt like I was walking around in circles as I ate some bad sushi and visited the couple of shops. Finally, I found a table ledge with computers and space for people to put a laptop. Nobody was over there. I was writing, but as the night went on, I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I was literally falling asleep at my keyboard.

Finally, it was time to board the plane to Bangkok, Thailand. It was a six-hour flight and I was looking forward to getting some sleep. When they scanned my ticket, a buzzer went off and they pulled me aside. My duffle bag was sitting there, wide open. They said somehow it was broken in transit. The entire lock and both zippers on top were completely broken off!

My items were almost falling out. The attendants told me they would wrap it in two big garbage bags and tape it all around. I asked that they please wrap it tightly so things don’t spill out. I was so frustrated as I boarded the plane.

I was only able to sleep for a little more than an hour. My body was completely off kilter with the time changes. I watched some movies until we arrived in Bangkok. I had a four and a half hour layover.

The airport is huge, with very long terminals. I walked for what seemed like forever to my next gate. I ate a donut and got some coffee. The time went fast and it was time to board my next flight to Chiang Mai. It would be an hour and a half flight and this is where the real adventure would begin!

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider
Thanks for reading! Hit the Like button or leave a comment!

Day 175: Leaving Whistler with a Bang!

After spending six weeks in Whistler, it was time to leave. As I packed, I reflected on my time there and all the things I did:

  • I wrote a lot, oftentimes sitting in a reading nook, peering out the window. A few times, I was able to watch the snow fall.

I settled in, bought groceries and cooked. I even joined a gym while I was there.

  • I watched fall transition to winter, and enjoyed taking in all of the changes during walks in the forest and around town.

I took the bus to town and got to know some locals. I even took advantage of locals’ only discounts!

  • I cleared more than eight inches of snow off my car a few times, drove in the snow, and scraped ice off my gas tank so I could add gas.
  • I met a few guys. Each one helped me learn what I want and don’t want in a relationship.
  • I sat at bars alone, often times listening to live music. Sometimes I felt lonely, but I made myself get out and about anyway.
  • I attended a wine festival and a film festival.
  • I went snowshoeing and snowmobiling.

I did a beer tour tour, a nightclub crawl, and went to a vodka freezer.

  • I went to game nights, pub trivia, and bar bingo.
  • I made several new friends.

I very much enjoyed my time in Whistler and could see myself living there someday. I don’t get that vibe often with places. I don’t know where I’ll end up living, but Whistler is on my list of possibilities.

Before I left Whistler, I wanted to give a letter to Josh, who I had met right after Thanksgiving. When I dropped Josh off after spending 16 hours together, I didn’t know his last name or phone number and I had hoped he would reach out to me. I was 99% sure I’d never hear from him, which made me bummed. I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt because I’m tired of living life afraid – afraid to be me, afraid of rejection, and afraid of being vulnerable. I knew he worked at a fine dining Italian restaurant, but I couldn’t remember which one so I held onto the letter until I could figure it out. Before I left town, I planned on walking into his restaurant, handing him the letter, and walking out.

When I got sushi with my new friend Brittany, she connected me to a Whistler Facebook group. I found Josh on the group and felt relieved that I at least knew his last name and had a way of contacting him. One night at bar bingo, my new friend Saya convinced me to send Josh a message on Facebook. I thought I had seen him at the bar, but the guy disappeared. After a few drinks, I decided it was a good idea.

Of course, my message was lame (what did you expect?) and I said, “Are you around?” This was after not seeing or talking to him for two weeks. I had become accustomed to guys either not responding, responding very late, or responding in a disrespectful way after online dating. I was pleasantly surprised when he wrote back within 15 minutes. We conversed about the weather and how the snow was great. He said now that it was snowing, he was waking up very early every morning to ski. He told me which restaurant he worked at, so I was happy that I could give him my letter.

It was my last day in Whistler and after snowmobiling, I showered, ate dinner, and prepared to leave my Airbnb to surprise Josh with the letter. I was extremely nervous.

“He will probably think I’m a weirdo.”

“What if I become the laughing stock of his friends?”

My friends back home all thought I was crazy. Their response was always the same – if he was interested in you, he would have contacted you. He just wanted to have a fun night and you’ll never hear from him again. That’s how men are. I could hear the tone in their messages as they told me I’m such a hopeless romantic and that this likely would end with a broken heart. I didn’t care.

I knew logically they made sense. It was likely that he never wanted to know me past the night we met. But my instinct kept telling me that he was different. He wasn’t a jerk, he was actually a caring individual. I spent many hours getting to know him, and he didn’t act like other guys. He was tender, he was real, and he had a good heart. I didn’t blame him for not contacting me. It was a strange situation. I was traveling and was only there temporarily. Nobody wants to do long distance, so I didn’t blame him for that. I just needed him to know that I cared and that our time meant something to me, even if that meant I’d be rejected.

img_0142.jpg

I had a few shots of vodka in preparation for going to the restaurant where he worked. I arrived around 10:20 pm and couldn’t get myself to walk inside. It’s a fine dining restaurant. It’s not like I could just walk in and find him in a sea of people enjoying their fancy meals. I also didn’t want to ask for him because then his coworkers would all wonder what was going on.

I saw a second door that led to a hotel that was connected and went through it. I used the restroom, trying to convince myself that I had the strength and the nerve. People always tell me I’m the bravest person they know – I can assure you that does not apply to the romance department.

Sweating, I managed to get myself into the side door that was by the bar. There was not a single person at the bar, so I asked the bartender if the bar was open. He said it was and got me a menu. The section to my left was crowded with tables full of people enjoying dinner. Behind me, there were lounge tables and some dinner tables, but they were mostly empty.

The bartenders were all from France and were so friendly that it helped to calm my nerves. That, or the vodka was settling in. I ordered a drink and texted my friends. Kristina, who was from Germany, came down within 15 minutes and sat with me at the bar. I slowly turned around, looking to see if I could find Josh. I didn’t know if he was working that night, but it was my last shot.

Kristina and I talked all about her life in Germany. She told me about how she thought Canada would be a lot like the U.K., but she found that is not at all the case. She described German people as being very straight forward, but in Canada, they consider it rude. I told her it’s because Canadians are known for being very nice.

I was enjoying Kristina’s company. At some point, I thought I saw the back of Josh walk by me twice. He was headed the other direction so he only saw my back. I was also trying to cover my face with my hair. I told Kristina about my letter and my dilemma.

At just past 11:00 pm, two servers who were running the bar after the bartenders left said they needed to close out our tabs. I panicked and told Kirstina to stall. We slowly paid and I messaged Josh, asking him to come to the bar. He wasn’t responding and after a few minutes, our bill was closed.

Kristina, being a straight-forward German, asked the servers, “Is Josh here?” The girls looked at each other and one said, “I think he just left.” The other chimed in, “Yeah, he was helping a large party and once they were done, he went home. He just left.” Kristina immediately said, “Can we give you something to give to him?”

Panicked, I said, “No, it’s ok.” The sweet servers enthusiastically said, “Yeah! We can give him something.” Kristina tried to grab the letter from my hand and I tried to shove it back into my purse as I quietly told her, “It’s fine. I’ll message him.” The servers, trying to be helpful, said, “We can tell you his schedule tomorrow.” I assured them it was fine and that I’d message him.

Kristina and I walked outside and met our friends Saya and Misato from Japan, who had just arrived after getting off of work. We brainstormed as to what I should do. I wanted to just run away. Kristina reminded me that I wanted to tell him how I felt and I came there to give him the letter, so I should do it. She told me I could give the letter to her and she’d go back the next day and give it him. I gave her the letter and we all decided to go have a drink at Brickworks bar.

They all thought the idea of writing a letter and giving it to Josh was romantic and they gave an “awe…”. I explained to them what my brother used to say many years ago, “If the person likes you back, they’re flattered. If they don’t like you back, it’s stalking.” I think he’s right. I had no idea if Josh would consider this romantic or consider me a stalker.

As we sat at Brickworks, Josh messaged me back and said he was in bed after skiing and working all day. I told him it was my last night in Whistler and there was something I wanted to give him. He said he would come back out, but he was too exhausted. He asked when I was leaving the following day and said he could meet me to say goodbye.

I was happy that he offered to meet me. I told him once I checked out of my Airbnb, I was going to the holiday market at one of the hotels, and then I needed to head south by around 2:00 pm. He said he’d keep me posted because he would be skiing early in the day and then had to work that evening, but he thought he’d have some time to meet me in the village to say goodbye.

My new friends and I had a great time talking over some wine. I played some classic American songs on the jukebox and we talked about relationships, what it was like in their home countries, and how much fun we’d had together. They are amazing people with warm hearts, and they were so encouraging. I felt lucky to have met them and figured I’d go visit their countries once they were back there. They walked me to the bus station and we hugged goodbye.

img_0151

The next day, I checked out of my Airbnb and drove to the winter market at the hotel. Misato met me there and we looked around at the locally made items. It was much smaller than we anticipated, so we walked through the village. Misato hadn’t been in Whistler very long and was working a lot, so she didn’t have a lot of time to shop around yet. It was a great time because we got to know each other better now that it wasn’t in a loud bar or while we were playing a board game.

Josh messaged me at 1:00 pm saying he was about to do his last run and he’d be done by 2:00 pm. Then at 2:00 pm, he was done and asked where to meet me. Misato and I had just finished shopping and were by the Pangea Pod hotel, which is a hostel. They have a nice restaurant on the second floor overlooking the village. We went inside and I told Josh to meet me there.

When we walked inside, Brittany, my friend from the beer tours, was there to get people to sign up for the tours. It was perfect because I hadn’t gotten a chance to say goodbye to her. We talked for a bit and then Misato and I went to the bar to order some coffee while Brittany was at her table with promotional material. I was incredibly nervous and this time didn’t have alcohol to help give me courage.

As I was looking at the menu, Josh tapped me on my left shoulder. I turned around and he had a big smile on his face. I was awkward of course and messed up giving him a hug. He was in his ski gear, took off his jacket, and sat down. I was pleasantly surprised because I wondered if he’d just message me saying he was downstairs and ask me to come outside to give him whatever I had to give him. Or maybe he’d come upstairs, but quickly leave.

I introduced him to Misato and she ordered coffee, talking with the bartender. I was turned towards Josh, talking. We talked about the ski conditions and how amazing the snow had been the last two weeks. Within about ten minutes, Misato had to go to work so she hugged me goodbye. Ten minutes later, Brittany came over and hugged me goodbye because she had to leave.

I continued to talk to Josh over the next hour. I kept thinking he was probably about to leave at any moment. After 40 minutes, the bartender asked if I wanted to order anything (I never ordered my coffee) and I said no because I thought Josh was about to leave. To my surprise, he ordered an espresso.

We continued to talk and I told him about my snowshoeing and snowmobiling experiences. As he told me about skiing, he was enthusiastic and never made me feel awkward. I enjoyed talking with him and it was reassuring that we could still have great conservations, even without any alcohol. It reminded me why I liked him in the first place. He was so easy to talk to and I was attracted to him.

After an hour, Josh said he needed to go because he had to change for work. I told him I needed to get headed south to make it to Mount Vernon, Washington that evening to stay the night with a friend. We put on our coats, walked down the stairs, and went outside. He gave me directions on how to get back to my car and then he gave me a hug.

As we hugged, I reached into my purse to grab the letter. I had printed it at the library and put it in an envelope. I was terrified about how he’d react, but he came out to say goodbye and I was reminded that I like him. I could also run away right after I gave it to him.

At the end of the hug, I pulled the folded envelope out of my purse and said, “Just don’t make fun of me.” Josh looked down, took the letter, and looked up with a huge smile on his face. He immediately gave me another hug. I felt relieved that he didn’t make me feel like a weirdo. We said goodbye and went our separate ways.

img_0141

I drove to Washington feeling amazing. I had conquered a tremendous fear. I let myself be vulnerable, even if it meant embarrassing myself. I trusted my instincts and they were right. Josh wasn’t a jerk and he didn’t make me feel like it was a pity goodbye. He seemed happy and being able to see and talk with him again confirmed what I believed about him.

I know I can’t control the future. I can’t make someone like me. I am a hopeless romantic and I desperately want life to be like the great books and movies where big gestures happen and anything is possible. They say that you should “be the change you want to see.” Well, I want to see people letting themselves be vulnerable. I want to see people taking risks in life. I want to see people express themselves to those they care about. So, I decided to start with me. I can’t expect someone else to treat me that way if I’m not willing to do the same.

I knew I probably wouldn’t hear from Josh for at least a few days. I was feeling happy and content that I was able to say goodbye in person and give him the letter.  Now it was in his hands.

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider
Thanks for reading! Hit the Like button or leave a comment!

Day 73: Misophonia, Glaciers, and a Familiar Face

I flew into Anchorage just after midnight and grabbed an Uber to my Airbnb. My driver was born and raised in Anchorage and said the “winters aren’t that bad.” He loves it there.

My Airbnb was in the basement level of a house and had its own entrance on the side. It was very dark as I carried my luggage down the wide steps that wrapped around the house. It was a little studio with a lot of space. It was much bigger than what I had experienced the previous few weeks. I was bummed I had only booked two days there.

Early the next morning, I took an Uber to Amanda’s house where my car was being kept. I briefly talked to Amanda, but had to leave to make my car appointment at the Subaru dealership to repair my window.

After waiting for two hours, the dealership told me they wouldn’t have the car finished by the time I needed to leave for the glacier tour I signed up for. I took their shuttle to the visitor center to meet the group.

The tour time was changed to an earlier time, which threw off my day, but they assured me I’d be back to the dealership by 6:00 pm to pick up my car. The tour guide, Bill, was originally from Minnesota. He was in his 60s, had a short white beard, and was wearing a beret and driving gloves. He talked in a tight, raspy voice that almost seemed fake.

Bill was on the phone with his boss about filling up the tour, so he accepted a walk-on guest for cash. It was clear that it was the end of the season because they combined the tours and only offered one that day. In our group, there was a guy in his early 30s from Rhode Island, a girl in her early 30s from San Francisco, two girls from Australia in their 20s, a woman in her 60s, and a girl in her late 20s that we picked up 40 minutes outside of Anchorage. I was really surprised to see so many single travelers.

We all got into the van to head towards the first stop: a glacier about an hour south of Anchorage. I sat in the front seat next to Bill. While I was happy to see the beautiful views on the clear day, Bill kept pointing his finger at things right in front of my face. He was also smacking gum, which was driving me insane. The woman in her 60s sitting behind me was also making some sort of strange noise, like she was sucking her spit through her teeth. I absolutely can’t stand noises like this. It invokes a rage inside of me and I’m unable to focus on anything else. It’s a thing, it’s called Misophonia.

Maybe it was the disgusting sounds, or the fact that the woman kept asking stupid questions while talking over Bill, but I was feeling annoyed by the tour. Bill was clearly not a tour guide, he was basically just a driver. I felt that I could have just driven myself to the glacier and the animal park where we were going. However, it was a beautiful day and I had the opportunity to see Turnagain Arm in clear skies and without having to focus on the road. We stopped a couple of times to see some amazing views.

Bill told us that when it’s low tide, the water sinks back so far that muddy quicksand appears, making the area look unfamiliar everyday. When I drove this road from Homer, it was indeed a completely different experience because it was cloudy and high tide.

We were running ahead of schedule so we stopped at a river where people can view salmon. There’s no fishing allowed so the salmon population can grow. I couldn’t believe how big the salmon were!

On the drive, Bill told us that Alaskans eat more ice cream per capita than anywhere else. Alaskans are proud of this – I had heard it from a few people. Bill told us that Alaskans also have more ATVs, planes, boats, and motorcycles than anywhere else.

We made a quick stop to eat lunch on our own at a cafe near the glacier. Shortly after, we were dropped off to board a boat to see the Portage Glacier.

The guide did a good job telling us about the glacier and the geography of the area. The boat crossed the lake full of melted glacier water and there were giant pieces floating around.

As we got closer to the glacier, it started to look bigger and bigger. It was white and blue with a streak of brown down it from all of the eroding debris that gets trapped.

The boat stopped a few times while we waited to see if a piece would break off into the water. While glaciers are melting globally, they are melting the fastest in Alaska.

We didn’t see any pieces break off, but it was a sight to see. It’s crazy to think that the water in the glacier has been frozen for so many years.

Once the boat returned to the dock, we boarded the van and were taken to a wildlife refuge, where we could explore on our own for an hour. It was a large property and I watched the bears feeding, wolves jumping on a roof, and other animals roaming around.

On the way back to Anchorage, the woman behind me opened a bag of Fritos for all of us to smell and of course chomped on them. We saw several police officers that had pulled over fellow travelers. Bill told us the police will pull people over if they’re holding up five or more vehicles because they’re going too slow. I had seen signs telling people to pull over if they’re holding up five cars – it’s the law. That road is a big tourist road and Bill was happy to see them pulling over tourists who were going too slow. Just then, we watched a police car turn on his lights to pull over another car. Bill told us Alaska was short on police, but 100 new recruits just finished training and they were hiring another 100.

Bill dropped me off at the Subaru dealership at 5:45 pm, just in time to pick up my car before they closed. I drove to downtown Anchorage to meet a friend, Amy, who lives there. She was at a storytelling networking event and welcomed me there. This was a group of people who shared their stories as a form of art.

I enjoyed some appetizers while meeting people who had previously shared their stories. One guy worked at Enron and told a story about espionage. Another guy, Eric, worked at AIG during the collapse and moved to Los Angeles to change careers. He was working as an unpaid intern for a movie studio when he decided to sue them because of their unfair practices. They were basically working people full time for free and calling it an internship. Eric won the case against them, but it lost on appeal. However, movie studios now pay for internships out of fear of lawsuits.

Eric went on to law school and became a lawyer. He was supposed to be in Anchorage for a one-year contract, but now he works for the ACLU and has been in Anchorage for three years. They all joke that Anchorage has a way of pulling people into staying longer.

I also met a woman who had told a story about her divorce and sexual discoveries after it. I wished I had been there when they had originally told their stories, but I was happy I got to hear the summaries.

Once the networking event was over, Amy and I went to another restaurant for dinner on the rooftop. It had been 60℉ that day, but as the sun set it started to feel much colder. The sunset was incredible and I was happy that this was how I was spending my last night in Anchorage.

Amy and I used to work together many years ago. She sat across from me in another department and we had some mutual friends. She left the company long before I did, but through Facebook I was able to get to know her better. It was awesome to catch up in person.

After being married for 13 years, Amy got a divorce. It had been three years since the divorce and we bonded over our similarities. Amy is really smart, thoughtful, and friendly. She moved to Anchorage because that is where her ex-husband is from. She’s stayed because it’s grown on her.

It was late and getting cold, so I took Amy home and then went back to my Airbnb to rest. I am so thankful to know people who live all over the world. It’s really encouraging to see a friendly, familiar face in an unfamiliar land.

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider

Days 57-58: Denali National Park

It was time for me to check out of my Airbnb and head towards Denali National Park. Living as a nomad has its challenges. I needed some refills on medications and though my doctor overnighted them to my Airbnb, they still hadn’t arrived. The owner said that overnight to Fairbanks takes about three days and she offered to ship them to me in Anchorage once they arrived.

My next motel was in Healy, Alaska. It’s only an hour and a half drive south of Fairbanks and it’s the closest city to Denali National Park. The drive was fairly flat and I missed  driving through British Columbia and the Yukon. But as I got closer to Healy, mountains appeared in the distance.

img_6083

I pulled into the deserted gravel parking lot of the Denali Park Hotel (which was actually a motel) around 4:00 pm. The lobby was in an old train car. I asked the girl at the desk what there was to do there and she gave me a map that included some hikes. She told me the motel used to be inside the park until a law was passed prohibiting accommodations inside the park. They relocated, but were able to keep the original name.

I pulled my car in front of my room and unloaded my bags in the cold wind. The motel seemed to be on a raised foundation and it sounded hollow below my feet.

It was an ok motel, but the view from my window was fantastic! A massive, beautifully majestic mountain loomed just outside.

img_6095

Despite the view, I was angry that I paid $375 for two nights there. This was the most expensive place I had stayed so far and it felt unfair that they could charge so much just because it was close to Denali. There are a few hotels right outside the entrance to Denali National Park, but they were $300-$700 per night!

There were just a few businesses (grocery store, gas station, restaurant) along the two-lane highway that ran through the tiny town. I went to the small, expensive grocery store and picked up some food. After returning to the motel to eat dinner, I turned on the TV. I watched a classic, Groundhog Day, and relaxed.

The next morning, I prepared for a hike in Denali National Park. Denali mountain is the tallest peak in North America and only 33% of visitors actually see the top of the peak because clouds often roll in. Visitors can only drive 15 miles into the park. To see more, you have to take a guided tour bus. I considered taking one, but they ranged from six-ten hours and I didn’t want to spend my time inside of a bus. I preferred being closer to nature and hiking.

One of the bartenders in Fairbanks told me about an 8-mile hike (roundtrip) that starts at mile 13 of the drive inside. I found the trail entrance pretty easily and there was plenty of parking. The hike started out flat and easy, but within half of a mile, it started to climb.

I was nervous about wildlife, bears in particular, so I kept my eyes peeled. Once I started to climb, the trees became less dense and I had outstanding views! I was really happy that I chose to hike instead of take a bus.

img_6108img_6113img_6112img_6119

After about a mile in, I passed two rangers who were taking a break from repairing a section of the trail. After two miles, the elevation gain was noticeable and the cold wind kicked in harder. Without tree cover, my shorts and a t-shirt weren’t going to cut it. I saw a few other people who were wearing pants and coats and probably thought I was crazy.

I took my pants and jacket out of my backpack and put them on. I’d start with my wind/rain jacket first and see how warm it kept me. I also put my gloves on because my hands were starting to hurt from the cold.

img_6134

I arrived at the top and the wind was dramatically worse, making it hard to keep from being blown over. The gorgeous rocky mountains full of green trees reminded me of Norway.

img_6120img_6144

I continued on the trail that went down the other side of the mountain to the parking lot at mile 15 of the road. The hike wasn’t as pretty as the other side and I needed to hike back the way I came to make it to my car, so after a mile I turned around. The total would be six miles with 1,800 ft elevation gain and I was pleased.

img_6129

When I came to the peak again, the wind seemed to be even stronger. A woman and her mother asked me if I’d take a picture of them together. I took theirs and they took mine. As they started to hike away, she yelled something to me. She was about 10 feet away from me and I couldn’t hear her. After having her repeat what she said a few times, I realized she was just telling me to have a good hike. The wind was that loud!

img_6140

I thought about putting my coat on, but my jacket was better at resisting the wind. It felt like it must be about 35° F. I can only imagine how cold it is when it’s not summertime.

I was happy to get back to my warm motel and to rest. Attempting to be productive, I downloaded pictures from my phone to my PC and got some writing done.

The next morning, I needed to drive to Homer, Alaska. It was 500 miles away (about eight and a half hours of drive time). I knew it was an ambitious day, but I wanted to check out Homer after the bartender told me about it.

The first two hours of the drive was beautiful as it winded alongside Denali National Park. It was raining and the clouds were hovering above. I was told the best place to see the elusive mountain peak is south of the park. I kept my eye out, but I’m not sure if it saw it. It didn’t bother me. The hike inside the park was beautiful enough for me.

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider
Thanks for reading! Leave a comment below or message me if you have any questions!

 

Days 54-55: Locals in Fairbanks

The next day I tried to sleep in but the people above me were incredibly loud, stomping all over the floor. Frustrated, I headed out for a riverboat cruise. When I arrived, there were many buses and lots of people lining up to board the huge boat. One bus had a sign that read Princess Cruises. I asked the woman holding the sign, “Princess Cruises, as in the cruise? How are you in Fairbanks?” The woman explained that they offer a “land and sea” cruise. The passengers take a six-hour bus ride to Fairbanks so they can explore inland.

It was cold and very windy outside, but I sat on the top open-air deck anyway. I love top decks because I get to see so much more and I enjoy the fresh air. I grabbed my free coffee and donut and attempted to eat and drink without spilling all over myself.

img_5919

The riverboat cruise had a narrator that shared many interesting facts about Fairbanks. The boat stopped while we watched some dog mushers training their huskies.

img_5925

Then the boat came to a village that local natives set up to replicate what their villages looked like many generations ago.

img_5929

img_5939

We disembarked and sat through a few demonstrations and presentations about life in the village and preserving their culture. It was really neat and they did a great job of storytelling.

img_6090

Once the riverboat tour finished, I drove to the Alaska Pipeline. There is an area where the pipe is above ground and visitors can see it and read a little about the history. It’s actually pretty fascinating. Spanning 800 miles from Prudhoe Bay to Valdez with a diameter of 48”, it crosses three mountain ranges and more than 500 rivers and streams. According to the sign, it cost $8 billion to build in 1977, which was the largest privately funded construction project at that time.

img_5956

Near the pipeline was a place called Gold Daughters. I arrived just before they closed, but they still let me pan for gold. The business was started by two sisters who appeared to be in their 20s-30s. They were both very pretty women, wearing shirts that read Professional Gold-digger. They are from Alaska and their father was a miner. They teach you how to pan for gold, and then you buy a bag pay dirt (ranging from $20-$100) and whatever gold you find, you can keep.

One of the sisters taught me how to pan properly using some regular dirt. The water was cold and hurt my fingers. While she helped guide me, she asked me if I was there for work. I told her no and explained I was traveling. She lives in Fairbanks from March through September and the rest of the year she lives in Portland with her husband who is a lawyer.

My pay dirt had several little nuggets, which they told me was pretty good because most people just get shavings. We took my gold inside and the other sister showed me keychains and necklaces with little lockets, and explained they could put the gold in one of those. I selected the keychain and my little gold nuggets sat inside the small round locket.

I liked that keychain. A couple months later, I was getting into my car and the locket hit something, the clasp broke open, and my gold nuggets went flying all over my car. They scattered under my seats and spread all over the inside of my console, never to be seen again.

The sisters were really friendly and stayed late to let me finish up. It was time for dinner so I drove to the nearby Silver Gulch Brewery. It was busy so I sat at the bar. The bartender was friendly and recommended the fish and chips, which is what I ordered. To this day, it’s the best fish and chips I’ve ever eaten!

The restaurant filled up and I overheard someone say the wait for a table was 90 minutes. To my right was a couple who have been married for 25 years. We started to talk and I asked what it’s like living in Fairbanks. They said the winters aren’t too bad – it gets to -40 or -50 ℉. Not that bad?!

I talked politics with the couple because I really enjoy hearing perspectives from other parts of the world. They told me Alaska had a big vote coming up in the November election because there was an initiative called Save the Salmon. They told me the campaign was started by a group in Oregon, people who don’t actually live in Alaska. The couple was very upset about the initiative because they described it as limiting for any new development. The couple told me how much locals use the salmon to fish for food and it reminded me of the riverboat cruise and how the natives also fish for salmon all summer, dehydrate them, and feed them to their dogs all winter. Salmon fishing was very  important to their way of life.

The couple went on to tell me how Alaska was very divided because “Anchorage is full of young liberals who want to increase taxes and legalize weed.” They said their utility and tax bill each year is about $20,000 because of how much energy they have to use in the winter months. The younger generations say they’re ok paying income tax, but this couple described what they’re paying already in taxes and utilities and why they need the tax breaks to keep living there. They also said that “three in every five cars on the road now has someone high driving.”

As the couple talked, I realized I was having an allergic reaction to the cider I was drinking. I have severe allergies and had been having random reactions the past few months, something my doctor has been trying to figure out. My chest was in a lot of pain and I didn’t have any Benadryl on me so I asked the bartender for some water and drank a couple of glasses, hoping to flush it out. Thankfully this helped!

The couple left the bar and the restaurant was starting to empty out a bit, so I started talking with the bartender. He is from Pennsylvania and came to Fairbanks for the summer in 2001. He ran out of money so he stayed for the winter, working. That kept happening over and over and he kept getting pulled into staying. He talked about how his wife moved to Idaho while they were dating, but came back because she missed it there. We talked about how hard it is crossing the Canadian border. One time he lost his voice and Canadians gave him a hard time getting through.

I asked him why he likes Fairbanks so much and he said, “In the winter, it becomes less about living, and more about surviving. If someone’s car breaks down on the side of the road, someone will pull over and help. We have to. It’s a community and we’re all in it together – to survive the winter.” I thought that was a nice way to put it and a nice sense of community.

Another bartender came over and gave me tips of things to do in Fairbanks, Denali, and told me I must go to Homer, Alaska. He said, “Homer is what all the postcards of Alaska look like. Go there and go to the Salty Dog Saloon.” I appreciated all of their tips and decided I’d make a trip to Homer before leaving Alaska.

I booked six nights in Fairbanks because I needed to get some things done, like a much-needed oil change, so I spent the next day on errands. Almost two months of traveling meant that I had driven more than 5,000 miles. My passenger side window was giving me problems as well. Ever since Oregon, the window would randomly get stuck, or bounce back down once it hit the top of the door frame. I had spent the last month avoiding opening the window.

Ken at the Subaru dealership smugly said, “Let me show you a trick.” He held down the electronic window buttons at the same time and held them there for about 30 seconds to “reset” them. He ignored me as I told him a reset wouldn’t work because there was something wrong with the mechanism. As I suspected, it didn’t work and frustrated Ken. He said, “Now you’re going to make me look bad because it’s not working.”

I sat in the waiting room while Ken had a mechanic look at my car. It struck me how relaxed I was. Normally, I’d be waiting at the dealership with anxiety, thinking about my to-do list. Or I’d impatiently take an Uber home so I could get some stuff done. Now that my time is much more flexible, I felt at peace just hanging out at the dealership. There is so much freedom living a life that is not “busy.”

Ken walked over and gave me the bad news: a window mechanism was broken and they didn’t have the part in stock. Fairbanks is remote, so the delivery would take seven days to arrive. Since he couldn’t repair my window, Ken offered to give me the $75 oil change for free.

My neck had been hurting for days (probably because of so much driving), so I went to a local chiropractor in a strip mall. When I walked inside, a few men were at a counter across the room and stared at me. I noticed guns hanging everywhere and I slowly backed my way out of the store. Looking up at the sign in confusion, I realized I accidently walked into a gun store, not the chiropractor’s office. I was definitely in Alaska.

When I walked into the correct office, I noticed that the woman behind the counter had a baby strapped to her chest. It took me by surprise because I wasn’t used to seeing people working with their babies in tow. The chiropractor was talkative and helped relieve some of the pain.

On the way out, he followed me to the sidewalk and asked, “Hey, can you give me your honest opinion? What do you think about the receptionist wearing a baby?” I told him that at first I was surprised and figured it’s a smaller, more remote area so maybe that’s how things are done here. I also told him that I have a lot of friends with babies and it’s hard for them to go back to work, hard to find childcare, and it’s difficult to balance both. If an employer is willing to help them out and let them bring their baby into work, I don’t think it’s a problem as long as they’re doing their job. He thanked me for my input and said they’re trying it out to see how it goes.

The chiropractor recommended a restaurant called The Turtle Club so I went there for dinner. It was a nice restaurant, so I sat in the bar area that was more casual. I had a table to myself and it quickly got crowded. I wasn’t feeling well, so once I ate I went back to my Airbnb to take some Emergen-C and rest up.

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider

 

Days 52-53: Unexpected Feelings at the North Pole

After spending ten days driving from Vancouver, British Columbia to Fairbanks, Alaska I was ready to rest. I spent day 52 doing laundry, cleaning out my email, and booking the ferry from Alaska to Canada for my return. There was Netflix in the Airbnb and I caught up on Orange is the New Black. It was cold and raining outside: a perfect day for binge watching!

The next day I needed to get out and about. I drove 25 minutes to North Pole, Alaska. It’s a small town of about 2,000 and sits just outside of Fairbanks. The main thing to do is to check out the reindeer and Christmas shop that is home to Santa all year long.

img_5873

I walked inside the large gift shop that was bursting with Christmas decorations,  Christmas music, and delicious sweets to eat. Although it was August, dreary, and about 50℉, I instantly felt transported to the holiday season. I was trying really hard not to purchase souvenirs and so far I had only purchased a shot glass at Hard Rock Café since I collect them. The ornaments were so cute and the place did a such a nice job of creating the Christmastime feeling that I decided to buy a moose ornament. He was just too cute to pass up!

img_5875

As I continued to browse the store, a middle-aged woman started talking to me about an item, thinking I was her husband. Shocked, she apologized for the confusion. I laughed and said, “It’s ok. Someone the other day also thought I was their husband.” She explained, “It’s your height. In my peripheral vision, your height matched his.”

Walking through the store, I passed Santa. I noticed small children with their family taking pictures and suddenly I felt sad that I didn’t have children. It was a strange and unexpected feeling.

img_5872

My ex-husband and I always said we’d have children two-three years into our marriage. The time came and went and it never seemed like the right time. The time went by too fast. Year after year, there was some reason we decided not to have kids (jobs, travel, health, etc.).  There were also many times I told Aaron I didn’t want to have kids unless our marriage was very strong – everyone says kids make marriage harder.

One day after eight-nine years of marriage, Aaron and I got into a fight. He told me he was upset that we didn’t have kids, and said I always come up with excuses as to why we can’t have them. He said, “I think the truth is that you just don’t want kids with me.”

The comment surprised me and I didn’t know how to respond because it was probably true. I couldn’t trust him, didn’t want to end up having to take care of him and a child, and I didn’t want to end up with split custody if we ever got divorced.

There was a stretch of several months that we tried to get pregnant and didn’t so I’m not even sure that I can. But year after year, I would tell Aaron that it wasn’t the right time. Looking back, I think he was right, and it was that I just didn’t want kids with him. When I filed for divorce at 36 years old, I knew it likely meant I wouldn’t have kids.

A lot of people assume I don’t want kids. It’s weird. I’ve always seen myself being a mom at some point in my life, it just hasn’t felt like the right time. I don’t know if having kids is in the cards for me and I’m ok with that. I try to focus on living my life to the fullest each day, following God’s path, and being content with where I’m at.

Standing there watching this cute young family made me sad that I might not ever experience that. It was such a surprising feeling because honestly, it doesn’t usually cross my mind. If it does, it’s usually more of a “Ugh, those kids are screaming. Glad I don’t have kids.”

img_5883

I left the shop and drove by the little statue of the actual North Pole and then headed to a farmer’s market in Fairbanks. The market was small and it was cold and wet outside, but everyone seemed so happy despite how expensive the produce was – a miniature cucumber was $1 and a regular sized one was $3.

img_5886

After the market, I went to the botanical garden at the college. There were only a couple of people walking around the spread out gardens. A woman started talking to me, thinking I was her adult daughter. We laughed as I said this happens to me all the time. Apparently, I sneak up on people.

img_5890

Raindrops were adorning the flower pedals and the colors were beautifully vivid. Once I finished there, I headed to the museum on the college campus. I watched a national Geographic movie about extreme weather, walked through the exhibits, and learned more about Alaska.

Yelp failed me with a recommendation on a Philly cheese steak that was terrible. I headed to Walmart to pick up some supplies and the military presence was very noticeable – there is an Army base in Fairbanks.

I went back to my Airbnb to rest and thought about the day. It was nice to get out a little and see some of Fairbanks. I thought about having children and wondered how much my view towards having them (or not having them) would change over the next decade. Time will tell.

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider

 

Day 47: Northern Rockies Lodge

As I packed up to leave Motel 6 in Fort Nelson, I watched the news. I like watching news from other countries to see how things are reported differently from the US. The Canadian reporter was explaining problems they were having with Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia had unleashed a video campaign against Canada, saying they did terrible things to the aboriginal people, and that they suppress women’s right.  The female reporter ended the piece saying, “FYI, Canada scored 10/10 for security and 10/10 on freedom for women. Saudi Arabia scored 5/10 for security and 0/10 on freedom for women.”

Before I left town, I stopped at a local museum. After paying a small fee, the girl behind the counter said they offer free tours if I’d like. I took her up on the offer.

A girl with long black hair enthusiastically came over to walk me through the property. As we walked outside to the first barn-type building filled with old cars, the girl asked where I was from. I let her know I was coming from Los Angeles. She replied, “Wow! How luxurious!”

The old car collection was from a private owner who had amassed around 20 antique cars. He still drives some of them in parades or to nearby towns.

After checking out the cars, we toured through an old log cabin, church, and a shop. Some of the buildings were originally located in the town, others were close by, but they were moved to this location to be preserved.

The whole place had a very local, small town, private owner feel. The property wasn’t all that well maintained, but it was really cool to see how people lived 100 years ago. I couldn’t imagine living that far north in Canada during that time. They didn’t even have indoor bathrooms for a long time, so using the restroom would be painful, especially at night!

img_5307
This was a rich family who had an indoor toilet. But they had to empty it out manually. It’s basically just a bucket.

The girl was giving a great tour, telling stories that painted the way of life. The last stop was in a log cabin where they skinned animals to use their fur to stay warm. The girl took my picture wearing an traditional jacket and a fur. As she wrapped up the tour, she told me that she grew up in a small remote village. She was native to Canada and she knows how to deliver a baby, but she wants to go to school to get certified. In the winter, she spends six weeks in a remote cabin ice fishing. How cool is that?

img_5313

I stopped to get some gas before I hit the road and bees swarmed my car as I tried to wash the windshield. Remembering that the pharmacy told me they had more than 300 patients with stings, I tried to get in and out of my car as quickly as possible. The bees seemed to love all the dead bugs on my car.

I got some coffee and still didn’t have any cash, so I pulled out my credit card. The women behind the counter said, “Just the coffee? You just filled up on gas, right? Go ahead and take it.” Wow, nice.

The night before I had booked a room at a lodge I found online. It was only about a three-hour drive, which left me with enough time to go to the museum and get to the lodge in time to do a small hike.

The drive was breathtaking as usual. The picturesque lakes were around every corner. The green-filled mountains as a backdrop weren’t too bad either. The road wound through the sides of the rocky mountains and I was impressed that the army was able to build a road in such rugged terrain.

img_5380

img_5318img_5351img_5337img_5332img_5353img_5358img_5322

The lodge was right off of the highway, and I arrived around 4:00 pm. I booked a hotel room in the main lodge, but the young guy at the front desk told me he had a cabin available and he’d give it to me for the same price as my room. The only problem is that I would have to park my car a little further away after unloading it. I asked what he recommended and he said, “I’m going to put you in the cabin. You’ll like it.”

I pulled my car up to the cabin to unload and was impressed by the size inside. It had three full-sized beds! It was modern but rustic and I loved it. Before it got too late, I got ready for a hike.

I asked the guy at the front desk if there was one close by that I didn’t have to drive to. He told me to walk down the highway and there would be a trail that went up the mountain. He described the trail as steep, but fairly short with great views at the top. He cautioned about bears, so I took my bear spray.

The high winds made it feel much colder than it was. I walked along the road as it winded along the lake with cliffs on the other side. After about 20 minutes, I figured I must have missed the trail so I turned back before it was too late. The views of the lake were incredible so I enjoyed the walk.

img_5390img_5421img_5401img_5404img_5416

On the way back, I found the trail. It was not marked, barely a trail, and went straight up the cliff. I decided to give it a try and started climbing on the moss. The dense trail had an eerie feel. My backpack kept getting snagged on tree branches so I turned off my headphones. It was so dense with forestry, I felt like a bear could come out of nowhere.

After about 15 minutes, I lost the trail. I tried to find it, but was worried I’d get lost. Looking back at the steep climb I had already done, I decided it was time to hike back down before I got attacked by something.

Back at the property, I walked around (they also have RV spots) to get some more exercise, and found their seaplanes. When checking in, I noticed a sign in the lobby advertising discounted tours in the morning for $250. I thought about it, but then thought about all of the times I’ve seen  small prop plane crashes on the news. I decided against it.

I cleaned up a little and headed to the restaurant for dinner. The dining area had large windows overlooking the property and felt romantic. Just after I sat down, it started to pour rain. I hadn’t encountered any rain my entire trip so far, so it felt refreshing. The waitress closed the windows as the rain brought cold air into the restaurant.

img_5450

I ate dinner and was texting a guy who I connected with on Tinder from Vancouver. He didn’t message me until after I had left the area, but once he found out I’d be going back through Vancouver on my way south he asked if we could just message each other. It was fun having someone to message. I didn’t have much cell service, but with Wi-Fi I could send iphone messages. Even though he wasn’t there, it felt nice to have someone interested in how my adventure was going.

I ran back to my cabin in the rain, showered, and got into my plush bed. I loved the sound of the rain beating against the roof, and felt at peace as I fell asleep.

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider
img_9900 Click to watch a quick video of the incredible drive!

 

 

 

 

Day 46: Lies

Checking out of the Best Western Plus, I tried to use the ATM to take out cash because I heard the further north I went, the more I’d run into establishments that only accepted cash. The ATM kept giving me an error so I called my bank, who said it must be the ATM because I should be able to take out cash.

I drove to a gas station to fill up and to use the ATM there. I was frustrated when I saw a sign saying their ATM was out of service. Next, I drove to Canadian Tire. I wanted the stick thing that shoots a firework above the bear’s head, but they were out of stock so I bought the bear spray. The day was turning out to be irritating and I hadn’t even left Fort St. John yet.

My GoPro wasn’t charging, which was very disappointing since I bought it for the beautiful drive. I was heading towards Fort Nelson, which was about a four-hour drive. As I listened to music on the empty road, I thought about relationships.

I thought about my ex-husband, Aaron. I thought about all of the lies he told and how it made me feel. When Aaron and I were dating, he was still in college. He is five years younger than me and he was pursuing a degree when we started dating.

We had been married for about nine months when I realized he should be graduating with his bachelor’s degree in a few months, but he hadn’t talked about it at all. I had felt something was off because I never saw him doing homework. When I’d ask, he said he did it while I was at work. He often worked from 3:00 pm to 12:00 am and I worked during the day, so it was possible. When I asked about classmates or what he was learning, he’d tell me. But he never volunteered the information, which seemed strange to me. I would get busy with life and forget about it.

That February night, right before my birthday, is a day I’ll never forget. I asked to see his school schedule and he was surprised. He hesitated and walked to the computer. He explained, “I can’t log on. My mom has the password because she pays for school.” I replied, “Give her a call.” Aaron responded, “But it’s 10:00 at night.” I noticed his hands were shaking and that’s when I knew he wasn’t in school. I insisted he call his mom for the password and then he finally admitted that he wasn’t in school, and hadn’t been for almost two years.

I still remember how I felt: broken-hearted, disrespected, betrayed, and angry. I locked him out of the bedroom and cried myself to sleep. How could my husband, the person who is supposed to be my life partner, betray me so terribly? I felt stupid for not paying attention to the signs. I was embarrassed that he could pull off such a stunt – making up a life for almost two years.

I thought, “Does this mean we should divorce? I can’t trust him. I don’t even know what else he’s lying about. He wouldn’t admit this until I finally asked for proof. I can’t be divorced after less than a year.” I never pictured myself divorced and I worked very hard at being a good wife, so it felt overwhelming to know that this was what had become of my life.

I went to work the next day and Aaron sent me flowers. My coworkers were jealous of the beautiful arrangement and I felt too embarrassed to explain why he sent them. At lunch time, Aaron showed up and we talked. He said he was afraid to tell me he wasn’t in school because he knows I value education. It felt as if he didn’t know me. Yes, I value education, but I also know college isn’t for everyone. What I care about is someone having passion and working towards achieving their dream.

Aaron knew how to influence me. He knew I’d feel guilty – as if it were my fault. He was just trying to please me. It worked and I worried that I pressured him to continue in school. While I was upset that I’d continue being the breadwinner, I didn’t want to be divorced. We stayed together, but never really fixed the issue. Throughout the next seven years, Aaron would lie here and there. It was always about stupid stuff and that worried me because if he lied about small stuff, wouldn’t he lie about big stuff too?

After eight years of marriage, Aaron traveled to Atlanta for work after finally getting promoted at his job. I texted him, realizing it was 1:00 am there and he hadn’t called or texted goodnight. He lied and said he was sleeping. I could see on his “find my iphone” that he was at a bar. Not knowing I could track him, he said he had stepped into the hallway to talk so he wouldn’t wake his roommate.

It was then that I knew my marriage was over. It had been eight years of lies. He knew I was sensitive to lies because of his history, and he never confessed. He would deny it until I had proof. I figured he was likely lying about other things that I couldn’t prove, and I didn’t care to. He tried to make me feel guilty once again, explaining he lied because he was afraid that I’d be disappointed that he was out drinking when he was there for work. It didn’t work this time. I had encouraged him to go out drinking with friends for years. That’s when I realized he was trying to manipulate me.

Being married to a liar was a horrible feeling in my soul. I never wanted to be the person who had to check up on their partner. I never wanted to be the paranoid person that was constantly worried that my husband was being unfaithful. According to my therapist, being married to someone who lies is the same as having a cheating partner. You end up with the same emotion: feeling betrayed.

It was like I had been on a treadmill running as fast as I could. No matter how hard I tried, I was still on a treadmill, going nowhere. It would take me seven more months to ask him to move out of the house, and another six months to file for a divorce. It wasn’t easy and I cried for a year after. But the freedom I felt once he moved out was life-changing. The day after he moved out, it felt like I was off of the treadmill. I broke the cycle and was now in control of my life.

Driving the Alaska highway gives a person a lot of time to think and reflect. As I wound through the mountains and fields, I thought about those lies. I reminded myself that I’m stronger now. I won’t tolerate lies in a relationship again. My heart still aches when I think about the feeling of betrayal. When it comes from a life partner, the person who is supposed to have your back in life, it feels devastating. While I get lonely at times as a solo traveler, I’d take that over being in an unhappy marriage any day.

Post Edited By: Mandy Strider

Day 44: Mile 0 of the Alaska Highway

The route from Prince George to Dawson Creek kept getting more beautiful with rolling hills covered in bright green pine trees. I couldn’t believe how the mountains continued for hours. The road turned into two lanes with a speed limit around 55-65 MPH. There weren’t many cars and they could easily pass me. It was nice not having someone behind me, pressuring me to go faster. I passed a huge, RV convoy of about 25 RVs going south, heading home after the holiday weekend.

img_5223

img_5300

I needed to use the restroom so I stopped at a small general store that was housed in a log cabin. It was one of the only places I had seen for a while, but there was only one bike outside. I walked inside and a middle-aged woman was talking to a man in biking clothes who appeared to be in his 30s.

img_5216

I asked where the restroom was and the woman told me they didn’t have one. I wanted to support this small business since they didn’t have any other customers and I was getting tired. I asked for some coffee and she made me some using a Keurig machine.

While my coffee brewed, the woman asked me where I was headed and I told her I was going to drive the Alaska highway. She said a couple came through there recently saying they were moving to Alaska from Florida to get away from the kids.

The biker continued on his trip and I headed out. About 10 minutes after I left the general store, I came to a gas station, so I pulled over to use the restroom.

img_5217

I arrived in Dawson Creek just after 4:00 pm. The town is small, so it was easy to find the sign indicating the start of the Alaska highway.

I took some pictures and a middle-aged couple in an RV offered to take a photo of me with the sign. It was incredibly windy and the clouds started to roll in, but I couldn’t contain my excitement!

img_5245

Another RV pulled up with two middle-aged couples, and we all talked about driving the Alaska highway. They were surprised to see I was alone and not in an RV and asked where I was staying. I told them motels and Airbnbs and they seemed curious about it.

I read through the sign posted about the history of the highway. The sign read, “In the early hours of March 9, 1942, the first troop trains of the United States Army Corps of Engineers arrived in Dawson Creek to begin construction of the 2,450 kilometre (1,523 miles) Alaska Highway.”

The sign went on to describe that “Though the highway was completed in record time, it was not without its mishaps. One of the worst tragedies occurred in Dawson Creek in February 1943 when 60,000 cases of dynamite exploded in the centre of town, injuring many but, miraculously taking only five lives.”

After checking out the visitor center for a bit, I drove to main street where another sign was on display in the middle of an intersection.

img_5250

I was taking pictures when two women passed me asking if I wanted them to take my picture. I said sure and we chatted about our travel adventures.

img_9812 Click to watch a short video of the scenic drive.

I wanted to cover more ground for the day and Dawson Creek didn’t look like it had many sleeping options. I sat in my car searching for a place to stay and found a Best Western Plus in Fort St. John, about 46 miles away. I got a good deal on Orbitz and decided to stay two nights. After seeing a tick in my bed that morning from my motel in Prince George, I was desperate to have a better place to sleep.

When I pulled into the Best Western, it was a hotel, not a motel and they had an elevator! Finally, I wouldn’t have to carry my suitcase up the stairs. The woman checking me in was very nice and when I got into my room, I saw I had a little kitchenette area, a seating area, and a wonderfully comfortable clean bed. I was in heaven. I laid on the bed, remembering how much I love quality hotels. I could tell that the place was new.

After bringing in my bags, I drove around looking for food and found a sushi restaurant. It was huge inside, but only had a couple of customers. I was really craving quality food, so I was so disappointed when some of the sushi arrived was warm. It was pretty bad overall and I hoped I wouldn’t get sick.

img_5270

At 10:00 pm, I enthusiastically went to the hotel hot tub. None of my previous accommodations had hot tubs and after two days of mostly driving, my muscles were desperately in need of relaxation.

A couple came in and joined me, Marguerite and Matt. They looked like they were in their early 20s, tall, and both very fit. Matt had light brown hair and Marguerite had long dark hair. They looked like they could be fitness models.

Marguerite goes to school in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. She plays volleyball and said at school, it gets so cold (-40 degrees) that if you’re outside longer than 10 minutes, you’ll get frostbite. When she walks to class, she’s completely covered up except for her eyes and when she arrives, she’ll have frost on her eyelashes.

Matt is from Vancouver but was currently living Tumbler Ridge, British Columbia. He’s a paramedic and said in order to get a better position in the city, you need to do tours in smaller, remote towns first.

Matt, Marguerite, and I talked about the differences in the US and Canada from burgers and beers, to police (there are a lot more police in the US). Apparently, they call Tim Hortons “Timmys” and they love Jack in the Box and wished it was in Canada. I told them my sushi there was terrible and Matt said, “Let me give you some advice. If you’re not near an ocean, don’t ever get sushi.”

We talked about hiking and bears in the area and they told me about Canadian Tire (which is like Home Depot). Matt said if I’m going to hike at all, I should get some bear spray or a pen thing that shoots a firework above the bear’s head to scare it away.

The hot tub closed at 11:00 pm so we all got out. They had a 5:00 am flight to catch in the morning. I was happy that I met Matt and Marguerite. I hadn’t had much interaction with people in the last several days and being a “people person,” I crave connection. I jumped into my plush bed content with my trip so far. I was feeling more confident talking to strangers. The reason I love travel so much is getting the chance to meet new people. Sure, the sites are beautiful, but it’s the people and their stories that fascinate me.

 

Day 37: Airbnb and Dairy Queen in West Vancouver

After making it through the Canadian border, I headed towards Vancouver.

I couldn’t check into my Airbnb until 5:00pm and I was hungry so I stopped at a Dairy Queen for something to eat. It was in downtown West Vancouver, close to my Airbnb. It seems Dairy Queen is very popular in Canada – they’re everywhere and people eat the warm food, in addition to the ice cream.

On the menu board, there was something called poutine. I asked the young guy at the register what that was. He said, “You’re not from here, are you?” I said I was American and had never heard of poutine. He described it as french fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. They have poutine eateries, which is their specialty, but he said Dairy Queen has one of the best poutines around, compared to places like McDonalds. As intriguing as the poutine sounded, it seemed heavy and like a big bowl of fat.

I ordered a burger and fries (I know, not much better) and forgot I did not have Canadian money. I used my Chase Sapphire card, which has zero foreign transaction fees. I asked what their money was called, and the guy said, “dollars”. “Oh, that’s interesting. So it’s just the Canadian dollar.” I replied.

I used a money conversion app on my phone to see the difference and thankfully, the US dollar was stronger than the Canadian dollar. For every $1 US dollar, it was around $1.30 Canadian, so my money stretched a little further. It was really nice when I’d look at my credit card and see the amount I was actually charged in US dollars was always slightly less than what I was charged in Canadian dollars. The higher the price, the larger the difference. If I was charged $75 Canadian dollars, it would actually only cost me around $57 US dollars. This was a nice change from traveling to Europe, where the US dollar has always been much weaker than the pound and the euro (when I’ve visited).

I ordered the meal, which came with a soda (they call it pop). I don’t usually drink soda, but decided to get one that day. The guy behind the register proudly told me their soda doesn’t have any high fructose corn syrup like the US soda has.

I sat down at the high counter that looked out the window, near the registers. The guy who took my order started talking to me. Then another employee came over to talk as well. The first guy was the supervisor, slightly overweight, in his late 20s with light brown hair. The 2nd guy was in his mid-20s, skinny with brown hair.

We talked about the differences in the US and Canada with healthcare, politics, and the housing problems. The guys thought banning straws was ridiculous and a small battle to be fought. They described Vancouver as being in a crisis with affordable housing, and the government wasn’t doing anything to stop it. They said the reason it’s become unaffordable was because of foreign investments in the housing market, mostly from the Chinese.

The supervisor was very passionate about this topic. He pointed out that every city needs workers at places like Dairy Queen, and managers of those places. The employee level jobs at these establishments were good jobs for people in college and high school. But he pointed out that they also need managers and if managers (and employees) can’t afford to live in a city, they will move. There will be nobody left to do those jobs. That’s why it’s a crisis.

We also discussed guns because they had the impression that the US loves guns and nobody in Canada has a gun. It was interesting because the supervisor said he has a friend whose dad lives in an old mill town in the US that has gone down hill because the jobs disappeared. The man sleeps with a gun under his pillow because of the crime level. The supervisor told the story and said, “I understand why he has a gun there; it’s not safe in the US.”

I told the guys that they should be careful of the impressions they get on the news. Yes, there is crime in the US, and some cities are unsafe. However, most places in the US are safe and you don’t need to sleep with a gun under your pillow. It was eye-opening to see how impressions of countries are made by watching the news.

The guys also told me how Vancouver has become the second Hollywood where movies and shows are filmed regularly. This is because the city is tax friendly, has relatively good weather, and now has a lot of skilled workers in the film industry living there.

The conversation with the guys was fun and interesting. They seemed to enjoy talking to an American and discussing the differences in our countries.

It was now 5:00 pm and I was able to check into my Airbnb. You might recall from a previous post that when I searched for an Airbnb days earlier, I found some pretty crazy places – like a couch in someone’s living room. I got lucky and found a room available in a 9-bedroom mansion on the side of a mountain in West Vancouver for about $52 (US) a night.

I drove up the mountain and parked my car in one of the three spaces available in the small driveway. I followed the instructions to get inside since the owner doesn’t live there and rents out all of the rooms.

The house was large, with a spiral staircase, but had a very minimal look inside. The furniture was very basic and there weren’t any decorations. I climbed up the spiral staircase to the 2nd floor and found my room. My room came with a shared bathroom, which was directly next to my bedroom.

There was no air conditioning and there happened to be a heat wave. I opened the window for some air and discovered there was not a screen. “That’s strange, Seattle didn’t have a screen either”, I thought. I also opened the sliding door, which opened to a small private patio to the backyard. Again, no screen door.

The room had a bed that was low to the ground, two night stands, and basic desk. There was not a TV in the room, which I was getting very used to.

I walked around the house and discovered the dining room and kitchen, both which had amazing views out their giant windows to the ocean down below. The top floor had more bedrooms and another spiral staircase leading up there.

img_4799

As I was unloading my car, a couple in their early 30s pulled up in hiking clothing. They were staying in the suite that had a separate entrance. They asked me if I could let them inside the main house because they hadn’t been able to see it yet (they were only provided instructions for entering their suite). I let them in and they were in awe of the view.

I got settled into my room and then walked to the kitchen to get some water. In the dining room, I noticed a large, creepy-looking spider handing in the window. I hate spiders, but there was something fascinating about this spider. I thought it was strange that my previous Airbnb in Seattle had a spider web with a spider in the window. As you’ll see in future posts, this would be the start of having a spider in almost every single place I would stay.

img_4806

I retreated back to my room and hoped a spider would not crawl through my open window. I could handle the random flying bug making its way inside. I searched for things to do in Vancouver and booked a bike tour for the next day. I was excited to be in Canada as this felt like the real start of my adventure – unknown territory.

Post Edited By: Misty Kosek

 

Day 36: Reconnecting with a Friend

I pulled up to Chanell’s house around 1:00 pm. Her corner house was beautifully decorated, newly remodeled, and I was impressed by how quickly she had unpacked. She had only been living in the house for about one month but it already felt like a cozy home. I was nervous and excited at the same time since I hadn’t seen her in five years.

Chanell and I met at work about seven years ago. We were both supervisors and we quickly became friends. At that time, she only lived about two miles from me in Long Beach so we’d meet up for happy hour, or just to hang out.

Chanell is intelligent, fun, caring, and hilarious. She made me laugh all the time with her comedic timing and facial expressions. We had so many fun times together in Long Beach.

Within that first year of our friendship, she got engaged to her boyfriend, Matt. I was delighted when she asked if I would be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Three weeks before the wedding, the bridal party went to San Luis Obispo (about four hours north of Long Beach) for the bachelorette party weekend.

We took the train there, went wine tasting in a limo, and had a nice dinner. It had been a great time, until Chanell and I ended up getting into a fight. The fight led to me sleeping in the other room, and taking a taxi at 6:00 am the next morning to the train station to go back home, alone.

I felt like I had ruined her party and upset her, and I didn’t want to ruin the next day too. I cried the entire way home, feeling heartbroken.

After several emails back and forth, we hadn’t solved anything. We had tried to explain our side of the story to each other – things that had built up over the previous couple of months, but we hadn’t been able to see each other’s side.

I didn’t go to the wedding and was upset about it for weeks. I had dreams about the incident because I was stressed, knowing that our friendship had dissolved – and dissolved so quickly.

Five years had gone by but I would still think about her from time to time. I heard through mutual friends she had moved around a little because her husband is in the Navy. They also had two kids. It made me remember that at one point, we talked about having kids at the same time so they could grow up together.

Then this past June, Chanell sent me a message saying a mutual friend had informed her of my upcoming adventure. She now lived in Mount Vernon, Washington and she offered me a place to stay and a friendly face. It worked out perfectly because it’s only about an hour and a half from Seattle and was on the way to Vancouver, British Columbia.

She apologized for how things ended and said she valued our friendship. I had been surprised to hear from her but I took her up on her offer to stay with her and her family. I was nervous upon arriving because I didn’t know if things would be awkward and I’d be meeting her kids for the first time, she had a 1-1/2 and 3-1/2 year old.

When I arrived, I was pleasantly surprised when we talked as if no time had passed. She showed me around her new house, which was clean and modern. Her kids are absolutely adorable, sweet children, and it was such a joy to meet them.

The heat wave continued and they didn’t have air conditioning so we did what we could to stay cool. Hanging out by the large ceiling fan in the living room and drinking lots of ice water, we spent time relaxing and laughing.

Chanell cooked a delicious crockpot roast dinner and I updated her and Matt on my life over the last five years – my divorce, buying and selling a house, and quitting my job. She updated me on the places they’ve lived, their experience being Airbnb hosts, and the news that she was a few months pregnant! Unfortunately, she was feeling very nauseous.

After dinner and hanging out with the family, Chanell and I watched some episodes of the new season of Orange is the New Black. It felt so good to reconnect with her. It reminded me how much I valued having her friendship, and had missed her presence in my life.

We both apologized for how things ended but didn’t talk about what happened in detail. We both seemed to realize we’d played a part in the dissolution of our friendship and had both been in the wrong. Looking back, we definitely could’ve handled things differently.

Thinking about this incident made me think about issues I’d had in my marriage. It led me to understand something about myself, that I’m a runner. I always thought I was someone that would stay and fight when it came to “fight or flight” situations because I love a good debate.

But the truth is, when there is true conflict, I choose flight. Conflict terrifies me and I run. I don’t like upsetting other people and discussing my feelings is very hard for me. In debates, it’s not usually about me personally so it’s much easier to discuss. Going forward, I’m going to work at confronting my feelings with other people, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Time and life experiences changed us. I discovered that while friends fight and sometimes friendships end, there can also be reconciliation. There are often other stresses involved in someone’s life when a friendship falls apart. Sometimes we need to learn to let go. But other times, the friendship is worth repairing.

I’m grateful that Chanell reached out to me and I had a great time catching up with her. She made me laugh, as always, and it was nice to see her friendly face before continuing on with my solo adventure. I left her warm house feeling content with the lessons I had learned about myself and at having rediscovered someone I had thought I had lost.

Post Edited by: Trisha Harmon